Obama to ABC: Pat-downs worth the price

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Don’t worry about the TSA's invasive horrors. It’s Okay. USA Today reports that President Obama understands.

Whew... Am I ever relieved. And if I know one thing, you can trust USA Today. (I don't know about USA tomorrow, though).    (original story here.)

"This is going to be something that evolves. We are going to have to work on it," Obama says. In other words, it’s just a flawed technology, that's all. Sure it needs improvement, but because of expediency, there’s no time to improve it yet. What's the big deal? Until then, it's either leer or grope or don't travel. 

(Slap to forehead). Why didn’t I think of that before all this uproar about TSA turned into cries of perversity and boiling blood? Thank God I can stop yelling “Satanists!! Satanists, all of you! Darn you to Heck!”

All this finger pointing instead of weighing in all the facts first. Boy is my face ever red!!

This gives me renewed hope that one day the only one touching my junk will be me.

…Er, you know what I mean.

Don't Touch My !!@#!! Junk!!

(BTW, which idiot started this word “junk?” Why can’t I say “balls” or “privates?” I mean, gimme a break. JUNK? I have more respect for my genitalia than that! But I digress…)

Don't Touch My 
!!@#!! Zucchini either!!

FYI, "Touch my junk" is a phrase coined  by John Tyner, a 31-year-old software engineer from California, who resisted a 'groin check' at San Diego Airport which resulted in him being escorted from the premises.

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"I understand people's frustrations with it,” Obama says comfortingly, “but I also know that if there was an explosion in the air that killed a couple of hundred people ... and it turned out that we could have prevented it… possibly... that would be something that would be pretty upsetting to most of us… including me."  

I understand...

Including me…Wow...he included himself…Thank you for that, Barry Soetero! You just got to love him!  I am positively glowing inside with the President’s understanding. Of course it doesn’t change a thing, and he still isn’t going to do anything about it, simply because he’s not in a position to do much about anything except officially pardon a turkey on Thanksgiving. This is about the limit of his current powers. But at least now I’ve got my mind right. At least now I know how upset he would be if a plane blew up because I wouldn’t let some fat sweaty guy put his hand on my balls and my butt. Am I ever shamed. And to think in spite of his understanding of travelers’ frustrations and national whining, he still managed to have a happy Thanksgiving and cut his lip playing basketball. What a hero! Imagine the courage!

Apparently, demoralizing and sexually humiliating hundreds of thousands of tax-paying travelers, or radiating hundreds of thousands of people whose immune systems may already be compromised, or sexually traumatizing hundreds of thousands of children and teenagers and women is less important.

It’s a tough decision, Barry, but then it’s lonely at the top. Thank God you won’t be on that plane that …possibly…explodes, or ever have to have your junk ogled, or your wife’s, or your daughters’.

Whatever tragedies and traumas and perversities happen to the rest of us in the days, weeks, and months to come, what a comfort it will be to be constantly reminded of how safe we are...just in case we forget.

Thanks for having so much personal integrity, Barry...

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But wait, there's  more...

According to Joseph Schwieterman, a Chicago-based transportation expert, "Americans have yet to make any really major - (really major???! ) - sacrifices for their security. Pat-downs and scanners are minimally evasive, and there's even resistance to this, just 15 seconds of awkwardness." 

(from the dailymail in UK)

In other words, why are you so upset at a little bit of groping and feeling? It's only 15 seconds, fercrissakes...

Well Joe, exactly how long does it take to be groped before it qualifies as molestation?

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Strange slip of the tongue here. I believe he means invasive - perhaps transportation "experts" are not known for their correct use of grammar - but in another sense he is absolutely right. These pat downs and machines are minimally evasive. There is very little one can do to evade them!

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